Mexican Drug Kingpin Nabbed in U.S. Was Lured by Buc-ee's Delicious Wall of Jerky

EL PASO, TX - In a stunning turn of events, alleged Mexican drug lord Ismael "El Mayo" Zambada, 76, was arrested Thursday after being coaxed across the border by the siren song of Texas' favorite gas station chain, Buc-ee's.

Lured by the promise of sparkling clean restrooms and the opportunity to purchase a 6-foot-tall plush beaver, both Zambada and the son of El Chapo were blindsided by arrests after deciding to make a quick trip over the border.

FBI agents themselves were shocked when two of the most dangerous cartel leaders fell right into their lap.

“Though we’d like to take credit for luring these two over the border, we had nothing to do with it,” said one FBI official. “We’ve been setting up stings and traps for years, but nothing has stuck.”

Surprisingly, it was the charismatic grin of a bucktoothed beaver, beaming from billboards visible for miles—even across the border—that ultimately lured the elusive cartel leaders from their safe haven into the United States.

"The intelligence we’ve collected indicated that El Mayo had a weakness for oversized snacks and quirky roadside attractions, but we were unaware of the intensity," said a DEA spokesperson.

Witnesses report seeing the alleged drug kingpin gleefully filling a 64 oz. Buc-ee's mug with Icee before being tackled by federal agents in the beaver nugget aisle.

When asked for comment, a Buc-ee's representative simply stated, "Our beaver never sleeps, and neither does justice."